"Sooty likes this one," he would say, or "Oh dear, Sooty says he thinks he's seen that idea before."
This never happened to me. But I did once get a crit from a dog.
It was at Lowe in about 1994. My partner and I went to see a senior creative one afternoon... I'm not saying he'd been drinking, but he did smell of alcohol, shambled unsteadily around his office, and slurred his speech in the manner of someone who had been drinking. So if he wasn't drunk, he was a fine impressionist.
Anyway, after first telling us in a sinisterly over-effusive manner that our book was "completely brilliant" and that instead of looking for a placement, "you should go straight to setting up your own agency", he then proceeded to show our book to his dog.
Sadly, his dog was not so keen. "Oh dear," the senior creative informed us. "[Dog's name] doesn't like this campaign. Or this one. Sorry lads. I'm not going to be able to pass it on to our CD after all."
Well you know what? That dog didn't know shit. Because that exact same book got me a job at Saatchis a few weeks later.
So, that's the worst crit I ever had. What was yours?