Thursday, March 20, 2008

Advertising Haiku

Well, it's the day before we break up for Easter and I'm hung-over like a dog.

So let's write poems.

A site called Ad Agency Confessional runs a regular 'Friday haiku'. (For anyone who doesn't know, a haiku is a three-line poem in the form 5 syllables/ 7 syllables/ 5 syllables.)

Here's one they wrote called 'The Account Executive':

Remember to smile.
Give 'em the ol' shuck and jive.
You have people skills.

Okay. Here's my effort:

I got a new brief;
It said: "Wanted. Big idea."
Thank God for YouTube.

Pretty shit, I know. Let's hear yours.


Anonymous said...

Write a haiku
this is my go
what's a syllable?

Anonymous said...

I am a planner
I am in love with my brain
And add no value

Rob Mortimer said...

Three weeks before start
getting very excited
better learn quant now

Anonymous said...

Account man asks why
The logo can't be bigger
Fuck off cock I sigh

Anonymous said...

I am an account
handler. I deal with dickheads
all day. Joy joy joy.

Anonymous said...

Formula One fans
What a bunch of silly cunts
A bit like planners

Anonymous said...

A look at my book
Do you like what you have seen?
Show me the money

Rob Mortimer said...

Scamp your blog surely
Is filling up with wankers
From all departments

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

rob mortimer why
do you think anyone cares
crawl back in your hole

George said...

You lot should relax
Some of you are quite angry
The weekend is here

George said...

F1 is good
There are more and more crashes
Maybe some death too

Mark Hadfield said...

Need inspiration,
Look at some blogs,
And break all the rules to do with stuff because it's a cliche thing to do...

Anonymous said...

The Moonwalking Bear
Stolen From The World Wide Web
Bet They Feel Stupid

The Kaiser said...

a glass and a half,
a gorilla suit as well,
give me awards now

Anonymous said...

These rhymes are all shit,
If your just starting out then,
Forget it just quit.

Anonymous said...

Kate Moss is a whore
her twat is always very sore
but her arse aches more

kate moss said...

I like to fuck a
lot. Fucking is good so is
coke. fuck me now please.

(up the arse)

Anonymous said...

i smell my boss
he's an odious
little shit

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

i want the CEO to say 'you can now go',

Anonymous said...

So many losers
Lacking the talent to do
A moonwalking bear

Anonymous said...

Feeling stuck

George said...

Have nothing to say?
Why not slate everyone else.
That's what wankers do.

Carlos McJizzsplat said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
George said...

Carlos mcjizzsplat
It may have been invited
But you've made my point

kate moss said...

Wake up late again
Hair matted with semen crust
'Who did that?' I think

Jam Spool said...

When Minghella watched
The English Patient this week
He died of boredom

Too soon?

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

Scamp as your CD?
Do I look stupid or what
rather work at Grey

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

roses are redish
violets are blueish, mix them
up and they make purple

Anonymous said...

my post was removed
why what ever did i say
just offered George love..the man way

Anonymous said...

Asked: Who is that there?
Reply: Mum wants to be seen
In one of my ads.

Andrew Bowel-Motion said...

Lazy Creatives
With Honey Monster deadline
watched Mighty Boosh.

Easter is welcome.
Thank you Jesus, you good egg,
Dying for our sins.

Many offensive poems
Piss Scamp off enormously.
Stop using cunt/fuck

Writing Haikus is
A piece of piss as long as
They are all this shit.

Muffmough quim said...

Drank like a fish
Tired as a badger
Sleepy bye bunny rabbits

LimitedTimeOffer said...

5 syllables/ 7 syllables/ 5 syllables.)

Clients business fell
Pointless product can not sell
Begin creative hell

Anonymous said...

Two weeks are over
And as a student it's hard
But still I will try

rdsrae said...

Direct Marketing
I chose it for a living
Now I want to die

Fenton Benton said...

Look, ads made of felt
I feel so good about life
I work at fallon

M.M.McDermott said...

Pretty big honor.

Thanks for the link, cross-Pond pals

Made my fuckin' day!


Anonymous said...

If I talk louder
People will notice me
But they won't hear what i say.

Cleaver said...

What talent I lack
I try to make up for with
Ironic T-shirts

Donshades said...

Murky muddy brain
Quagmire inside demands
Inner peace in morn

Toad said...

Flashy site online
but Your Brand Is Not My Friend™
So no one visits

Toad said...

Here's your brilliant spot
Forty minutes to watch "Lost"
Grab remote and zap

Anonymous said...

scamp has a good blog
its popularity soars
i should be working

Anonymous said...

we write online ads
our scripts all come from viz and
yet we have pencils

pisspoorenglish said...

Girlfriend is asleep
Quiet - play Call of Duty
Ssshh Die German Die!

guygalloway said...

Viz is the best mag.
When I read it I laugh aloud
Especially to reader's top tips.

mate koss said...

Girlfriend is asleep
Quick, wank off on her tits
Then wipe silently.

Anonymous said...

it is nearly twelve
I haven't finished work yet
so much for easter

Anonymous said...

Are the ads working?
We cannot possibly tell
So let's just say yes

Jetpacks said...

I don't understand
why Haiku is popular
it's so damn easy

R N B said...

I've said many times
Haiku rarely with me chimes
Only if it rhymes

Lunar BBDO said...

Look up 'best Haiku ever' on Google and this is on the first page:

The mind boggles.

]-[appy Thought said...

Haikus are great fun
But do not always make sense

Urban Poet said...

Brief leads to concept
Concept leads to ad campaign
But no-one likes ads.

Anonymous said...

Juan Cabral makes shit
Scamp readers toss off to it
The monkey plays drums.

Humor spelled with 'u'
Americans get confused
Everyone knows pints.

Anonymous said...

Clueless toff nice tie
Account Handler drops pants again
Client fucks edit

Anonymous said...

Planner in edit
Makes a fuckwitted comment.
Gets anally raped.

Anonymous said...

Adland now awaits
A new post on the Scamp blog.
a tuesday tip, perhaps?

Anonymous said...

Once I loved this job
Now I simply endure it
(Until the stroke hits)

facu said...

my logo is big
i am so happy with it
now you are useless

George Parker said...

First rule of blogging...
Never remove comments, no matter how gross, that just allows the poster to think they have fucked with your head. All your loyal fans will think the better of you for allowing dickheads to do that. Are you going to be at the "PubFest" Conference in London on the 17th?

Scamp said...

Hi George. I don't mind people slagging me off, or each other. I only ask that they do it with a little wit, and not too much obscenity. This place has gone so far downhill already!

Martin Esposito said...

Thanks - do you really find haiku are requested as a form of promotion? I'm thinking of exploring the possibilities and am carrying out some research at the moment...any hints appreciated!